


he is all i see

by EphemeralTheories



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Confessions, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Axel/Roxas - Freeform, Implied One-Sided Lea/Sora - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2018-12-10 02:50:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11682474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EphemeralTheories/pseuds/EphemeralTheories
Summary: Lea paused, struggling to come up with the right words to say, because he couldn’t lie to Roxas, to Sora, right now. That’s a mistake Axel would make, not Lea.





	1. all i see is you next to me

**Author's Note:**

> A long time ago on fanfiction.net, I wrote some pretty garbage fics about the lovely characters in this game, so here's me, years later, offering some new musings for your delight or scrutiny. This work had no beta so I apologize for any mistakes. Also, I started this fic while listening to "All I See" by the talented Nathan Sharp, AKA NateWantsToBattle. ( Then, I proceeded to listen to almost everything he's ever posted. ) Also, I have no idea where this is going now, but if you guys want to see more, feel free to let me know because I feel like it could function as a standalone piece, but also might benefit from length. ( I might be working on second chapter anyway! )
> 
> Find me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/amgedpha) if you also feel victimized by the KH franchise's treatment of Roxas.

Sheets pooled around slender hips as Sora slept. He laid on his stomach, head turned towards the door to the room he procured for the night, mouth slightly agape. The way the sunlight bathed the room made his back appear an unblemished canvas, shadows emphasizing the lean muscles he’s acquired since becoming the chosen wielder of the keyblade.

The blissed out expression he wore so often even seemed present in his sleep. His hair was a wild mess upon his head, merciless cowlicks never allowing reprieve from their desire to reach ever higher. His eyes were even lazily shut, as if nightmares of his past don’t plague him.

It’s unsurprising, really, that Sora is able to look upon everything he’d done and all the choices he’s had to make and sleep easy. He always seemed to have such a divine sense of justice. Everyone, at the end of the day, just knew it had to be Sora.

Even Roxas gave up the life, the existence, he fought so valiantly for, so that Sora might awaken.

Every sacrifice was worth it because Sora would be the one to save them all, even the ones who didn’t want to be saved — and especially those who didn’t believe they deserved a second chance.

There’s a figure standing in the doorway, staring at the sleeping man. His fiery countenance existed a stark contrast to the seemingly peaceful scene. Lea knew that if Riku were to catch sight of the way he was just watching Sora, the silver haired man was likely to kick his ass. Knocking twice hadn’t woke the sleeping keyblade wielder, so Lea checked the door to see if it was locked. It hadn’t been, so there he was, standing in the open doorway to Sora’s room, contemplating his next move.

Nothing was able to wake Sora recently. And for however chipper Sora might have been before the Mark of Mastery exam, he never seemed to sleep until he’d worked himself to the bone. Dead exhaustion seemed his only reprieve.

Lea would never mention how reminiscence of Roxas the drive seemed.

He also wouldn’t mention how he didn’t think anyone else noticed.

Eventually, Lea stepped into the room, Sora’s name escaping him like a mantra, gradually rising in volume until he stood alongside the bed. Green eyes noted with far too much clarity the darkness pooled beneath closed eyelids, yet, Lea knew Sora needed to be woken.

After all, the younger man probably had a day planned of training or venturing back to Destiny Islands while Lea and Kairi were kept in Traverse Town under the close instruction (or in Lea’s case, supervision) of Merlin.

Lea’s penchant for fire, though, had little to do with the heat that shot through his fingertips and into his veins when he placed a hand on Sora’s bare shoulder, intent on shaking him awake. The man grumbled something incoherent as Lea continued to attempt to rouse him.

A single blue eye cracked open to view the man standing next Sora’s bed. The keyblade’s chosen then shut his eyes, mumbling again as he buried his head in the pillow his arms were cradling beneath his head.

“Ax —,” Sora said, voice raspy from sleep, “five more minutes…” And then, Sora seemed to drift off again.

Lea swallowed hard at the nickname. Seeing as Sora was the first to grow accustomed to calling him Lea, it became startlingly obvious how exhausted the young man was, especially if he was using a nickname only Roxas seemed familiar with.

The fiery redhead turned away from Sora then, something a little too genuine to be called a smirk pulling at his lips as he left Sora’s room, pulling the door closed behind him.

* * *

Lea tried not to appear too amused when Sora rushed into his and Kairi’s training session a few hours later, hair even wilder than before, his left shoe in one hand and the Kingdom Key in the other.

“Sorry, sorry, I know I’m late,” Sora explained, a sheepish smile spreading over his features, “I guess I forgot to set an alarm.”

“That implies that you’ve ever set an alarm,” Kairi responded, arching a brow at her childhood friend, the tone of her voice more teasing than chastising. Her gaze then found her sparring opponent, “And if I remember correctly, _Sora Duty_ was definitely on Lea this week.”

“Guilty,” Lea admitted, a smirk pulling at his lips, “What can I say, Kairi? — Our hero of light is just _too cute_ while he’s sleeping.”

Kairi laughed lightly at Lea’s response. Lea sometimes had a hard time believing she was so forgiving and friendly towards him. It was like Lea never kidnapped her in the first place, that he was always part of the team. And the way she looked at him sometimes made something in him ache. He never dwelled on the feeling long, though, and now was no exception, especially when a blush was ascending Sora’s neck to color his cheeks.

Lea distinctly ignored what Sora’s flush did to his insides. Instead, he deflected, “Since you’re awake now, _Great Hero_ , why don’t you show me what you’re made of?” Lea’s smirk grew sharp, then, eyes narrowed in a challenge as he adopted a defensive stance, “I think I’m finally ready to take you on.”

“Oh, you’re so on!” Sora responded, quickly putting on his other shoe and rushing toward his foe turned ally.

* * *

When Kairi and Lea were dismissed from training, Kairi immediately decided to take a shower, but not without warning Sora not to leave without saying  _Goodbye_. Sora was quick to assuage her fear, reassuring Kairi that before he traveled back to Destiny Islands, he would stop by her room.

Lea was already packed up and heading back to his room at the inn when he heard the slap of shoes on the pavement behind him and Sora’s voice calling out to him.

“Lea, wait up!”

“Yeah, Sora.” Lea stopped walking, waiting for Sora to catch up and asked, “What’s up?”

“Thanks for letting me sleep in,” Sora said, falling into line alongside Lea.

Lea allowed a snicker escape him at Sora’s gratitude, “Well, _saving the world_ seems like a lot of hard work. I figured you could use a couple hours of R &R.”

“Heh — Yeah, it is.” Sora agreed, throwing his hands behind his head, a nervous gesture if Lea ever saw one, “I really owe you one, Lea.”

“You gotta be kidding me,” Lea replied, shaking his head, a smile pulling at his lips, “If anything, I just spared myself the humiliation of you seeing me get my ass handed to me by a Princess of Light,” The redhead sighed, then, “I’d have to train just as much as you just to hold a candle to Kairi’s talent. I’m counting myself lucky that she didn’t have a keyblade when we first met.”

“C’mon, Lea. You’ll catch up with us in no time,” Sora laughed, “That’s what you said at Yen Sid’s, at least.”

“You got me there,” Lea considered ending the conversation there, not segueing into a potential disagreement with Sora, but spoke anyway. He’d blame the sentimentality on Roxas if he ended up crossing a line with the nobody’s other. “But,” He said, speaking with the cadence of a joke, “if you keep working yourself to death, I won’t stand a chance. If anything, Kairi and I should be putting in the kind of hours you are.” Lea scratched the back of his head and sighed, pausing for just a moment too long, his voice losing it’s humorous undertone. “I guess — I’m just trying to ask if you’re alright, Sora.”

Sora grew a little solemn at Lea’s inquiry, his gaze suddenly finding the masonry beneath their feet. When he finally looked up again, noticing Lea’s attention hadn’t faltered, the curve of his mouth seemed a little forced, “I don’t know —,” Sora began, a contrived laugh escaping him, “It’s just, I never asked for this.”

Lea, a little surprised at Sora’s response, kept his expression neutral, “What do you mean?”

Sora’s face scrunched up for a moment and Lea suddenly realized how tired Sora really looked, beneath the bright blue eyes and stunning smile. “It’s just, with what happened during the Mark of Mastery Exam. — I mean, did Xehanort ever try to make you a vessel?”

“That’s what Organization XIII was for, _Hero_ ,” Lea explained, knowing his attempt to lighten the mood by addressing Sora as Hero fell flat before it left his mouth. He cringed a little at his own insensitivity, sucking air in through his teeth before continuing. “I guess he just wasn’t so much into forcing it, then. I didn’t exactly get implanted with a piece of his heart and I’m pretty sure he talked Braig and,” Lea stopped short, and swallowed hard, “ _Saix_ — into it.”

Sora frowned, and something felt so incredibly wrong about the visual that Lea immediately opened his mouth in some attempt to backtrack. Sora spoke before he had the chance, “And _Roxas_?”

The chill that ran down Lea’s spine had nothing to do with visions of being stabbed through the chest by an echo of his best friend, because this was _Roxas_ that Sora was talking about now, the person Lea fell into when Isa become a ghost of himself, corrupted by Xehanort’s influence. Roxas was the warmth of sunsets, so by proxy, Sora must be the sun himself, breathing life, breathing fight, back into the zombie Lea had become when he lost Roxas.

“Roxas — he, uh,” Lea began, “I don’t think Xehanort stood a chance as long as I was around, and you know, I made him a promise, back when we were both nobodies. I don’t think it changes anything now that…” Lea trailed off, sighing as he stopped walking.

His eyes stayed glued to Sora’s form as the other man continued to walk, a nearly transparent apparition of Roxas in tune with his being. When Sora turned to face him, after what felt like an eternity but was only seconds, the vision faded.

“Now that what, Lea?” He asked.

After a long moment, Lea released a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. “Now, that _he’s with you_ ,” He shook his head, a futile attempt at dismissing the thought, “I told him — I’d always be there to bring him back. So, if something had happened to him, if Xehanort did manage to make him a vessel, I would have done anything to get him back. I didn’t worry about anything but them turning him into a dusk. I —,” A forced laughed passed through his lips, “I worried about him disappearing.”

“Roxas, he’s not gone,” Sora said, then, surprising Lea more than he thought possible. “Whenever I’m around Kairi, he’s with Namine, and...” Then, a sad smile pulled at the brunette’s lips, “he’s with you whenever I am, too.”

“Sora,” Lea said, breathless because thinking something and knowing it to be true were entirely different things. Yet, that’s when Lea noticed the melancholic grin pulling at Sora’s features, how Sora’s eyes weren’t quite as bright as they normally were and how their gaze was downcast. He felt compelled to say, or do something to change that, “But, you gotta know that I’m not just here for Roxas,” Lea quickly explained, before sighing. “If I was, I’d be trying to turn you back into a nobody.”

Lea paused, struggling to come up with the right words to say, because he couldn’t lie to Roxas, to Sora, right now. That’s a mistake _Axel_ would make, not _Lea_. “I threw myself into the fray during the Mark of Mastery Exam to save _you_ , Sora. — And I couldn’t hurt you, or him by taking away the connection he undoubtedly feels to you. Like I said, my promise extends to you because I know that he believes in you and underneath it all, **you’re him and he’s you**.”

Lea felt too exposed, expressing his feelings about Roxas, and even more so, about Sora, before the chosen wielder, so he added an amendment, an afterthought that was just as true as what he’d already said, only without all the pressure of such a personal declaration, “And there’s plenty more than me who would take the fight to Xehanort if he ever got a hold of you like that, too.”

Sora was suddenly studying Lea’s features with an intensity the older man hadn’t experienced before, especially not from the almost child-like hero he stood before. Sora pressed his lips into a thin line and didn’t smile. He nodded once, and Lea was almost sure he saw Roxas for a moment in that gesture. For some reason, it felt far more sincere than any blinding grin would have, and if the determination in that nod made Lea’s knees a little weak, no one had to know.

Especially when what Sora said next was something he hadn’t told anyone else.

_**“Lea, I can’t sleep.”** _


	2. i don't understand what you see in me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something about their dynamic changed with Sora’s declaration, the chosen wielder’s confession to a man whose ghost was so close to his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just entirely too enthralled in the whole Axel, Lea, Sora, Roxas dynamic. Please tell me if I'm wrecking this fic by adding more to it.

Something about their dynamic changed with Sora’s declaration, the chosen wielder’s confession to a man whose ghost was so close to his own.

Lea began to grow familiar with the nocturnal, acclimating to the late hours as he stayed up with Sora. He sparred with the younger man until Sora seemed to have nothing left. In hindsight, the unfortunate truth of the matter was that Sora seemed to have twice Lea’s stamina.

When the redhead was down and out for the count, ready to pass out, Sora would just smile, extend his hand and pull the other man back to his feet. 

And Lea was powerless to refuse how Sora’s light beckoned him to raise his arms once more. 

He didn’t like to think of what that meant.

Keeping track of how often Sora would offer to let Lea go was a useless cause, as was counting the number of times Sora mentioned the darkness pooling beneath green eyes. 

Sora also said more often than not how he could tell how much their training was taking out of the redhead. 

Every time Sora voiced his concerns, Lea shrugged it off and smirked, taunting the younger by suggesting that he should go to Riku if he  _ really _ wanted to become a master.

Blue eyes widened momentarily in response and that strange expression Sora wore when he’d told Lea he couldn’t sleep returned. The younger ran a hand through brown locks and smirked, almost mirroring his companion. 

And they kept going.

Merlin was the first to notice the results of Lea’s late night training sessions with Sora. The wizard mentioned that Lea seemed more determined than when they first met. Merlin also said something about Lea’s  _ fire _ . 

He definitely _mentioned_ fire.

But Lea might not have been paying very much attention when Merlin was singing his praises. He honestly couldn’t, not when Sora is sending a sly smile in his direction. The expression is so reminiscent of Roxas that it was nearly impossible for Lea to look away.

But Kairi did tear his gaze from the chosen wielder, steepling her hands together with a gentle smile gracing her features. Lea almost saw Namine in the gesture, but the what came out of Kairi’s mouth was something equally familiar yet also surprising, “We should celebrate by going to the beach!”

After a brief deliberation with Merlin and Sora’s insistence that he and Riku would make sure Kairi and Lea practiced at least once a day for the extent of their stay, the wizard conceded.

Even Lea had to admit that he could use a break. Besides, he and Roxas always had plans to go to the beach together. And if what Sora said was true, then maybe Roxas would silently appreciate the gesture. 

He’d have to ask Sora about the best place on the beach to watch the sun set.

* * *

 

“You and Roxas used to watch the sun set together?” Sora asked, a brow raised when Lea brought up the matter.

Lea could feel how unconvincing the smirk pulling at his lips looked, “His first day in the Organization,” He began, shrugging off his discomfort at speaking about his time with Roxas to the best of his ability, “The day we met — he got his new name and he and I sat on the edge of the clock tower in Twilight Town and — we — uh — watched the sun set.”

Sora nodded at Lea’s explanation, seemingly satisfied.

“Riku, Kairi, and I always sat on a tiny outlander on the island we used to play on as kids, but Kairi says seeing the sunset from the mainland is just as beautiful, because of the memories of the island she couldn’t find when I was,” He stopped abruptly, seeming to realize what he was going to say. His brow furrowed and the grin he wore seemed a bit force when he continued, “— when I was sleeping.”

“Okay — yeah,” Lea scratched the back of his head, “So, what do you say?” He asked then, the smallest edge of a genuine smile pulling at his features. 

Sure, Lea glossed over the hitch in Sora’s tone when he talked about being under, but right now wasn’t the time and if Sora really wanted to talk about how he looked at those memories now, he would pull the older man aside later. “Wanna give me the tour?”

Sora seemed to release a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, nodding once more like he had when he first confessed to his insomnia. “Let me get Kairi and Riku and we’ll head right over!”

Lea wondered if Sora’s tone would ever really betray how he was actually feeling.

He wondered if Sora was just as twisted inside as Roxas was — as Lea is.

Lea guessed he was lucky, in that Axel had always been Lea and Lea had always been Axel, that his memories weren’t torn asunder when he lost his heart.

He supposed since Roxas wasn’t so blessed, since Sora was given new life by Kairi’s cry into the darkness, the little red haired girl trying to protect the shadow of Sora — that his memories stayed with it. 

So, when Roxas came into being, it was impossible for him to be Sora. He became a canvas with  the chosen wielder’s resemblance, but colored himself with the things that breathed life into him. He found his own way. Roxas might be part of Sora — he might be Sora, but that meant Sora was just as capable of being Roxas, too.

How Sora’s chest didn’t burst from housing at least two hearts, Lea had no idea. The life of Roxas was half an existence, at most, but an existence all the same. And his heart had grown from that, filled the empty cavity in his chest with something new, something that Axel had inadvertently fostered.

And now Lea was grieving for it. 

God, he hoped it stopped soon. 

Because Sora wasn’t Roxas.

And they were both so incredibly devastating.

He feared what he was capable of if anyone tried to take them away from him. 

Of course Lea knew the lengths his Nobody would go to, but he had no idea how much farther his Somebody would travel, how much more he, himself, would sacrifice to protect _**his**_ light.


	3. an ocean filled with photographs and names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea was not entirely sure how he ended up here, leaning against a tree watching the sun set over the horizon on a island far far away from Radiant Garden, and even farther from Twilight Town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Kingdom Hearts 3 info, means I ought to finish this fic, right? Anyway, here's a little update because I've missed Lea, Sora, and Roxas so much.

Lea was not entirely sure how he ended up here, leaning against a tree watching the sun set over the horizon on a island far far away from Radiant Garden, and even farther from Twilight Town. He smiled wistfully, though, as he stood on Destiny Islands alongside the chosen keyblade wielder. Sora’s eyes were on the horizon and Lea found himself tearing his gaze away from the young man — and forcing himself to focus on the line where the ocean met the sky, the hues of pink, purple and red that littered the sea.

Lea thought of Roxas, of sunsets, and sea salt ice cream.

_“Bet you don't know why the sun sets red.” He had said to Roxas, “You see, light is made up of lots of colors.” He remembered thinking a lot about light since meeting Roxas. “And out of all those colors, red is the one that travels the farthest.” And he remembered wondering if he could be light, too._

He inhaled sharply at the memory, pressing it to the corners of his mind. Lea looked to his side, only to see brown hair with devastatingly similar blue eyes looking back at him. Lea forced the corners of his mouth to curve into a grin and pointedly ignored the melancholy the small smile on Sora’s face wrought.

Part of Lea wanted to believe he was transparent to Sora’s gaze, if only because Roxas had been able to see right through him. Another part of Lea thought that Sora should have to learn Lea’s nuances just as he was learning Sora’s.

If Lea was transparent, though, he wondered if Sora saw him through the eyes of Roxas. He wondered if those moments he shared with Roxas clouded Sora’s vision, if Sora felt the terrible weight that Lea carried.

Yet, Lea knew Roxas, and Roxas would never put that kind of weight on anyone’s chest, especially not his other half’s.

Roxas would feel guilty.

Maybe Sora felt guilty, too.

Perhaps Sora felt it was his fault that Roxas was taken from Lea.

Lea had lived in a world where both existed, and if he could make that happen again, knowing the two men as he did now, he would move heaven and earth.

But that was too much to ask.

And it was far too dangerous.

That was not to mention that he truly didn’t know if he had heart enough for the both of them.

Lea fought and bled and died for Roxas and he would do it a million times over. Lea had learned to wield a keyblade for Sora and put himself directly in the line of fire to save him. He knew he would sacrifice everything for them. He already had.

Roxas sacrificed everything for Sora, so Lea would sacrifice anything for the man Roxas gave his life for. Roxas had given up everything for Sora, a man who couldn’t sleep, a man with far too many hearts in his chest, and a man who was terrified of a destiny that placed the weight of many worlds on his shoulders.

Roxas gave up everything for a kid who really didn’t ask for this.

Lea still didn’t truly understand what Sora had meant when he said that.

When Sora’s eyes met his, Lea smiled and Sora beamed, before those blue eyes found the sand beneath his feet.

The two were silent for a while. From his peripheral, Lea tried not to notice how Sora’s eyes seemed to linger on Lea’s form rather than the horizon. More than once, though, Lea found Sora’s gaze averted. He seemed focused on his hands, which rested in his lap. His eyes were narrowed and his lips pressed into a thin line.

“Sora —,” Lea said, then, pulling the other man’s attention from his hands.

Their eyes met.

Lea’s breath hitched when he saw a tear trail down Sora’s skin. Sora’s eyes widened at the development, pressing the hand he was just so intently judging to his face, catching the droplet before it could fall. A murmured apology nearly escaped Lea’s notice, before Sora jumped down from the tree, saying that they should head back before it got too dark.

Lea didn’t mention how easily Sora seemed to summon a seemingly genuine grin back to his face.

Lea allowed Sora to walk away, gaze watching his retreating form before returning to the horizon a final time.

Something painfully constricted in his chest and all he could see was Twilight Town.

He smiled, though, because this must be what it was really like to have a heart again.

And unprompted, Lea felt compelled to say, “See ya, partner,” before catching up to Sora so they could head back to the mainland together.

Sora asked Lea if he could stay with him for a while, and arrived at where Lea was staying on the mainland with more snacks than his arms could carry and said that he heard this hotel had really bad movies on pay per view. He pulled out a bag of munny and said, “Wanna check it out?”

If the two woke up the next morning slumped against one another on Lea’s hotel bed with infomercials playing in the background, Sora’s blush portrayed nothing but slight surprise when Lea only expressed his apologies for falling asleep before the younger man.

The older of the two had anticipated that Sora would want to spar until he grew too exhausted to move or that he would have wished to stay awake until the wee hours of morning only to have their pockets empty and Riku and or Kairi knocking on Lea’s room door to drag him out for their one dedicated training session of the day.

Sora only smiled and asked to come back to do the same thing tonight. He suggested maybe sticking to cable, or that he could bring his old DVD player and console over for the extent of Lea’s stay.

Agreeing was easy as breathing.

Kairi mentioned that he seemed happier when they were sparing that day, even after she took Lea down for the third time in a row.

And Lea honestly couldn’t say she was wrong.


End file.
